So you may think submissives are always being non- consensually abused by Dominants. And you also may think submissives are always, or claiming to be, the victim. I’m here to tell you that’s simply not always the case!
Some of the horror stories you’ve heard could be true, I’ve had a few incredibly bad experiences with a few specific "psycho subbies" in the recent past. In one instance, I didn’t even get to play with the submissive/bottom, yet I seemed to catch hell for months for just not playing with that particular submissive/bottom.
About three years ago now. I’m asked to do a favor for a friend who wants me to play with this bottom/submissive before they go in for a surgery that would have sidelined them for many months after. I always encourage all my play partners to discuss Hard Limits while in negotiations while at munches or over coffee in public.
I agree to meet with this person, we have coffee, we talk, everything is going well, until,
Until the Big Book of Demands appeared..
A stapled twelve page, with photos, including examples, a double spaced long, only missing those pop-up examples, a list of demands on everything from;
- How I should spank this submissive.
- How hard I should spank ( there was a description of the Approx PSI level of spanking, Not fucking kidding!! ).
- Where I can spank on the ass ( as if I don’t already know... Experienced kinkster here. )
- Where I can spank on the body. ( Places you shouldn’t hit, such as the kidneys! )
- What I can use to spank, hands and floggers were fine but no paddles. Fine.
- How I should address this person, using only their listed names. The names were absolutely ridiculous, and I simply won’t share!
- How I should stand while I spank ( this included an exact space between myself and the subject ).
- How long we should set the scene for, for at exactly 3 hours with exact timed breaks, the timed scene would cut into others play time in a usual 5 hour event time limit.
And, wait for it. The jewel of this little 12 page Topping from the bottom manual, wait for it...
The Walk, this included myself and the submissive only, walking from my front door with me dressed ( which was one of the few choices I was “allowed” to make according to the Big Book of Demands, lol ) and this person, with nothing on, nude on the city streets, except a pair of heels, a leash and collar. And no spotters or trench coat, in case they had to cover up. While highly erotic as this is, it's also highly illegal.
They demanded to be walked, while nude, down a fairly busy Vancouver city street at 8PM in the evening during the Summer months.
This walk was to be concluded at a local fetish event.
I sat stunned while I read this book of demands, I actually started to laugh in their face in disbelief. Talk about topping from the bottom via the written word...
I refused to accommodate these demands immediately and again several times via email with these same reasons:
A: I am NOT a service Top!
B: This is on a city street, still light out at 8PM with minors still possibly running around.. Which is fucked up on so many levels.
C: Cops are always out.. and the VPD are ever so horny about using their stun guns!!
D: Also possibly being charged a sex offender, for just being with that submissive/bottom during the walk..
E: the route demanded, Finally arriving at the local fetish event, at which we would be immediately a permanent banned for both as soon as we would arrive at the door!
Why am I posting this now after three years later? Well, it’s mainly because of the fact that after I declined to play with this person, they went on a 3 month long smear campaign to discredit me and mine. Calling us everything under the sun. Oh, How could I have declined this person? OMFG a Dominant declining play with a submissive??, oh the horror.. [ rolls eyes]
I was lucky in having the group moderators who promptly removed all of the offending posts on that forum. I quietly blocked the person and life went on, after a few months of my reputation being dragged through the mud.
Finally, The person deleted their profile and left this popular fetish website calling all us kinksters sick, twisted and not wanting to return to the lifestyle, forever. Peace at last..
Fast forward some years which brings this human garbage dump is back on this popular fetish website, Oh Joy! Now that this person has returned.
This person was still making demands, plus wild accusations in the groups, even before meeting any Dominant. While I would love to just post “HEY, WATCH THE FUCK OUT FOR THIS NUTCASE PSYCHO SUBBIE!” I find I cannot. It would be wrong for me to out this person, while I could possibly be saving some other Dominant the pain and migraines that are associated.. Yet there actually may be someone out there for them.
Another time in recent years I’ve had issue with deranged, mental submissives/bottoms. This was a supposedly Polyamorous person who basically demanded that I give up my long term relationship for them, someone I basically just met, forcing monogamy on me. How the hell does that make them Polyamorous??
Or another submissive who dared me to “try” and tame them, since there was apparently no other Dominant could tame them yet.. Or most likely would want to try to tame them even..
Or the submissive/ bottom who claimed because I am not into scat, I’m not sadistic enough for them. WHAT THE FUCK has not liking scat got to do with being sadistic at all??
Sometimes we Dominants get so excited looking for the ultimate pain slut ( and yes I’m sure that term will offend most pain sluts... UGH ) that we sometimes forget to do our due diligence and research the person. About as much as the submissive should ask around about the Dominants they want to play with, before playing with them. We the Dominants should inquire about the submissive/bottom also!
And NO, I’m NOT saying that all bottoms, submissives are psychotic or mental individuals. We all have our own issues, big and small! I have proof, got a birth certificate??
Not saying either that submissives/ bottoms don’t have any rights, they do! Otherwise it becomes illegal!
Also, Not saying that there shouldn’t be any negotiations, there always should be, always discuss your hard limits, but don’t make demands! There should always be negotiations before play! Discuss your Hard Limits, from both sides.
My point in writing this is, There are just as many psycho subs/bottoms out there as there abusers that disguise themselves as Dominants/Tops. It’s an unfortunate reality..
You may call this a whine, I call it a WARNING!
Simply reminding you all, to Do your own due Diligence first, before play!!