Relax it's just sex ( that is if there is no prior D/s agreement )!
We feel the need to post this for some of the new to the life individuals who have misconceptions about BDSM. The individual may have read one of of the more popular BDSM novel series, that we believe is about abuse more than what we do or Consent to be doing with other adults. We not only condone Consent but Ascent which we covered in another article.
To put it simply, there is a period of negotiations between a Dom(me) and sub then that results in what is considered their “Agreement” once struck.
To give an example, A submissive approaches me and asks me to play, I tell the submissive that I plan on spanking the submissive until I tire, if the submissive agrees low and behold we have negotiated an Agreement. Note: This is just a simplified example some negotiations will go on for days or weeks before play commences. Some even have contracts drawn up, however these contracts are often not legal and binding, though some can be so read it carefully. The above example is just to prove that both parties understand what is about to happen during the scene. Some need to read and re-read what was agreed upon.
And while we’re at it, to pop another misconception, All Dominants are NOT just males only. Have you ever heard the term “Dominatrix”? There are a lot of Dominate Women who could also be called “FemDoms” if they wish. Just be sure to respect them...
And another misconception is that a lot of Dommes do not engage in sexual activity with submissives outside of play. If that negotiation isn’t struck then intercourse won’t be involved during the play. Especially if it is a Female Dominate with a submissive male. To be clear, it isn’t Topping from the bottom in that case. And you can give direction even though your position is on the bottom in this instance.
However, what if there are two Dommes who are sexually attracted to one another? What then? Do the hounds of hell start barking? Does the world stop turning? No, it continues cycling around the sun. And nobody falls off the edges of the earth.
I’m talking about sex between Dommes, or sex between submissives. As long as there is NO D/s agreement prior to sex, it is just sex. That’s it. Just sex.
If you are a submissive this does not mean each and every Dominate gets to control you, if there is no Prior Agreement struck before play this does not mean they can hit or even touch you. This is why we have negotiations before play. It's the way that has been done for decades in the past and will continue long into the future. Just because it works!
If you do not have a Dominant in your life, get references by asking around for those you wish to play with, get a feel for how the Dominant plays. Observe them from a far at play parties, just do not stalk them!
Plus just being a Dominate individual and you’ve read one book on BDSM does not give you the right to call yourself a “Master” or “Mistress”, those titles are earned out of respect for what you can provide the community and/or the submissive, or negotiated a private use between two or more people.
Overall BDSM is about respect, discovering, and to have fun with each other, we are a bunch of kinksters who love what we all do, no matter what our D/s, Kink or Fetishes are. The secret is: a lot of BDSM is just common sense... with spanking!