Yes Means Yes, Assault, Victim Blaming and What to do about it.

I've written about this before.  Not as articulate though. Simply put, someone did a bad and is trying to blame the victim and people are trying to let it happen because otherwise they need to take responsibility for not paying attention or investigating at the time it happened or giving the victim the support needed to resolve this and put a stop to the serial assault.

One thing that people must understand about serial assault perpetrators, sexual or not, is that what you are wearing, where you are, what you agreed to or not, once you are in proximity to the perpetrator the assault will happen.  Regardless of Safety precautions, Reference checks, Safe Words, etc etc, because the perpetrator will not care.

Franklin Veaux Blogged about it earlier today regarding a recent incident in the BDSM Community where we/they pride our/themselves on Obtaining and Respecting Continuous Consent/Assent. Please go here [ http://tacit.livejournal.com/359244.html ] to read his article on it in full. It's along one, yet very necessary towards reducing these types and kinds of predators and serial perpetrators of non-consensual activity.

In  this Journal entry, Franklin notes that his Significant Other doesn't like the No means No campaign because of two major issues. 1.) it places the responsibility on someone who may not be able to give rational consent due to a number of issues, but primarily that they are taught by society to not say no or do so obliquely. 2.) an oblique or ambiguous answer is interpreted as a Yes.  So by changing it to Yes means Yes, then we seek a Direct Affirmative and that any other answer should be interpreted as No.  Makes it much safer for everyone involved.

I liked this Yes means Yes Campaign idea that I am going to use it, or try to, from now on out. Let us Eliminate the Ambiguous answers that allow Fuzzy Boundaries and thus lead to mistakes and we should be able to remove these predators from among us and avoid them while taking on responsibility for our actions/decisions and lacing blame with the Assaulter not the Victim. ... And hopefully, enable the victim(s) feel safer and better about coming forward, not feeling or accepting the shame that rightfully belongs to the Assaulter.

For those of you who wonder, yes, I can empathize, sympathize and relate as I also am a survivor of Assault. repeated Physical, mental and Emotional Assault by family and school teachers as well as two gang-rapes. I am intimately familiar with being made to feel that these assaults were my fault and that I deserved them because of my actions, decisions, or state of dress. None of which mattered nor matters. The ones who did it to me are at fault. I feel that if I tell myself that often enough I might actually get my inner self to believe me. 🙂