Recently with all the discussion on that a Dominant should be fully in control of their lives before playing. Specifically the comments made by people proclaiming a “Domme should be in complete control of their lives” ( notice I said “their” as a Domme can be a male or female.. although some seem to forgot that little fact! ) . Personally I disagree with this statement completely.
A Domme should be in control of their thoughts, their feelings and especially their scene. Having a clear head, thinking clearly about the various aspects of the scene without any anger while leaving their issues at the door ( You say you don’t have issues, I call bullshit.. all humans have issues it’s all a part of the human condition. Don’t believe me, check your birth certificate there’s your proof... you’ve got issues! ).
The Domme really only needs to control their actions and the scene, you cannot control anything other than your actions and words. For anyone to believe otherwise is ludicrous! No person has complete control of their lives. You can’t control another scene located near you at a play party even though that scene is encroaching on to your scene. For example, a submissive is shouting at the top of their lungs “Please Mistress may I have another!!” as she swats him again with her open hand during a scene in a Public Dungeon. To me while I have my scene located near them, that is a major distraction. Once or twice is nice, yet after the fifth or sixth time it’s distracting I just shut down.
Do you have control over your vanilla life? No you don’t. You only have limited control any aspect of your life. Really, your word is your bond. Period. And even that can be taken away from you.
Yet another example of the futility of other people controlling or interfering in another’s life is the ( 2012 )recent event on the Malahat Highway ( Vancouver Island ) where a speeding crotch rocket was hitting speeds of 300 KPH and then posted it on YouTube. Some of the commenters claimed they would've gladly swerved into the lane of the on coming speeding motorcycle to slow the speeding motorcycle down. Really???, you want to put your family and or property in front of a speeding 300 KPH, 136 KG (300 lbs) missile????!!! Wanting to throw and “S” on your chest while patting yourself on the back for potentially destroying your car or your life.. Can we say “Shrapnel”? ( just had to add that rant to say, Good going asshats! )
Accidents happen, why we call them accidents ( most are preventable ), we practice and still a fall from a flogger will land in the in opportune place causing the person a unwanted pain and snapping your subject out of the wanted headspace... Yet to bring anger into a scene is no accident and will only heighten the possibilities of causing the submissive/ play partner serious injuries. Your aim is taking that person that you’re working on to their mental space or what I like to call subspace so that you can achieve your Domspace. Mutual Satisfaction.
In our youth we’re all taught not to break our toys, if we broke them .. or the trust of those we played.. we wouldn’t have anything to play with in the future. Same goes for play partners. You “break” them, you’re done. And if you think they don’t talk about the Dominants/Tops and the treatment they’ve received in the past... I’ve some bottom land for sale...
By caring about your play partner/submissive I wouldn’t consider you a Service Top, and neither should you.. this is the sign of a Responsible and caring Dominant. We all do this for different reasons, one of mine is to help my play partner to achieve whatever it is they want. Be it a mental state for Pure Pleasure or for Therapy.. I mean this person is allowing you to cause pain and it is a wondrous thing, why do anything that would prevent them from wanting you to empower them again and again?
I my eyes, the Domme controls and plans the scene.. The submissive controls the flow of that scene using safe words. In that regards the people involved become a symbiote like system.
All you can do is, Negotiate and then hold to your word. Prove your Reliability and Trustworthiness. Anything else are Prom Night Promises...